Hello World!
Today I am so excited to tell you of the wonderful information that was passed on to me today!
For a couple of days I have been consumed with the feeling of shame, guilt, and most of all, feeling unworthy. I struggled with these feelings when it came to my journey in walking with The Lord because some days I would make the conscious decision in doing something that I felt was wrong in the first place. For example, I knew walking away from him and hanging out in my old settings, reverting back to the old version of me from a year ago would bring things that in today’s version of me, I would not even go near. However, I chose to revisit this lifestyle for a short amount of time thinking that it would not be that bad. Well, man was I wrong.
You see after everything was said and done, the shame, guilt and unworthiness came rushing like a flood. When the days came for me to check back into my normal routine, I couldn’t. I just kept thinking to myself, how am I supposed to speak with God when I knew what I was doing was wrong and yet I continued doing it anyways. As each day went by, I moved further and further from him until I got a phone call from a trusted friend.
As I began explaining to this person all of the conflicts running around in my mind and saying how I am unworthy they stopped me mid sentence. “You are.” they said. As much as that sounds like a simple sentence it carried such an impact that it stopped me dead in my tracks and they began to speak further. You see, as they explained, I was not worthy. None of us are. I was the one creating the distance between me and The Lord, not him. As always, he remains the same but when I chose to turn away and focus on something I knew was wrong, it meant I walked away from him. Therefore, I’m the one that needed to walk back to him but he never left me.
As my friend continued they asked me how I know what I was doing was wrong. After a long pause I shook my head, “I have no idea”, I said. “The Holy Spirit is alive in you. You knew it was wrong because it did not sit well with the spirit. This is because the Spirit is alive in you.” As they spoke these words, I felt a wash of my fears waste away and like a child running back to their parent when the fears of disappoint vanish, I felt in my soul a longing to run to The Lord.
I am telling you this today so that if you are like me and hesitate to come back into his presence I want you to know The Lord has remained the same for all of time. He has not and will not waver. If you feel something not sitting well with your soul and longing for his grace and comfort, know that the Holy Spirit is alive in you. You are a child of God and even though you may have to put in the work this time, you can still come home.
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