One of the hardest days of my life is when my grandmother, the matriarch of our family, went to live with The Lord. I remember the day I found out she had cancer like it was yesterday. I remember exactly the look on her face when she first said those words to me. I remember the way my mom’s voice sounded when she first talked to me about it. I remember sitting in my car for the longest moment of silence just trying to process everything. Unfortunately, that is a day I will never forget. Although that day brought a lot of uncertainty, sadness, worry, and anger, there were moments of love and joy for the three years she fought.
For three years straight I prayed almost every day for her. I prayed that she would be healed. I prayed that she would learn whatever it was for her to learn through this hardship and then beat the cancer. I prayed for this to be a new journey in her testimony because she was a faithful woman of God. Then, one day after she and I spoke about her faith, I began to realize that my prayers were not going to be answered. That moment was a hard one to swallow.
It took a long time for me to wrestle with the thought of her not being here and all I could cling to was the love she showed me. I prayed again but this time, I changed my prayer and everything felt different. My prayer no longer sounded selfish, even though in the past I never meant for it to. I began to pray that God’s will be done. I began to pray that through her journey, others would come to know Christ in a way there never had before. I began to pray for healing for her but in a way that she prayed for, for the pain to go away.. I began to pray that her passing would move mountains and rock the faith of those around her so one last time her following Jesus would truly show and mean something for the lives she had touched. I prayed most of all for healing of the hearts, hers as she embraced sadness, and those who loved her as we began to understand The Lord would be bringing her home soon.
When the day came that The Lord called her home, my heart, along with others in the family, was shattered. Once the day passed and through the days to come I did the only thing I knew to do. I did the only thing she taught me to do. I prayed. I prayed for the healing of those around me and those who knew her. I prayed that in the healing they would see how she moved for God and it would change how they did too. Before I knew it, I began to see those prayers answered tenfold.
The church which my mom and step dad attended began to call them for more and more. My mom began to preach to us and became the new stronghold of faith for the family just like her mom before her. My step dad began to further seek God in a way that others around him could see God before he even spoke. Conversations of faith became easier in the family. My life changed as I could feel God’s presence more than I ever had before (which was just the beginning). The way we were all able to talk about my grandmother brought peace instead of heartbreak. Don’t mistake me, we all did and still do miss her terribly, but with our faith growing stronger we found healing and comfort of her passing. I knew my prayers were answered when I could not only feel The Lord’s presence, but hers as well while watching my family together in laughter one night. That is something I will always be thankful to God for.
Leave a Reply